Moving to France is about as exciting as life can get. But making friends in France as soon as possible will make it all easier.
So forget the pile of unpacked boxes, ignore thoughts of paint colours and furniture and don’t worry about where you are going to find everything you need. That will all happen in good time.
Maintaining your focus on making friends and building up your social network is way up there in importance as soon as you open your front door for the first time.
Is it hard to make friends when you move to France?
Making friends in France is entirely possible, even with dodgy French. But let’s not be unrealistic; it may be tough at the outset as you find your feet and get to know how things work in France.
The French sometimes have a reputation for being unfriendly. Banish such thoughts immediately – it’s just not true! The bottom line is that making friends is all about putting out as much as you can, giving rather than taking and slowly establishing a network of people around you.
The first thing to bear in mind is to understand a little about French culture, identity and ways. The cliché is that the French “work to live” not “live to work”. In fact most French people work very hard, but it is certainly true that they tend to care little about what you do for a living. Leisure time is sacred: don’t call anyone during the lunch hour and respect the early afternoon siesta.
Once you get to grips with the way the French are, it makes it far easier to start to meet people and make new friends.
Do expats stick together in France?
The short answer is yes. Even if you’re the kind of person who when you heard a fellow Brit or American when on holiday would run a mile, when you live in France your attitudes may change. You might want to sound them out and compare notes on living in France. It is reassuring and grounding to find other people who may have done the same as you: upped sticks and moved to a country that you both love.
But your expat friends needn’t be just your own nationality. We are so lucky that apart from French, English is the expat lingua franca amongst people from Germany, Belgium, Scandinavia and even China and beyond.
Whilst it is tempting to cleave to your expat friends, it is also good to branch out and find a network of French friends. In short, a bit of both is ideal.
How can I meet other expats in France?
Whatever the equivalent of a ‘gaydar’ is for spotting fellow countrymen, you probably have it already, and can sidle up to hear them speak. But many villages in popular areas of France have established Anglo/French associations. This is a great way of integrating into French life at the start. Your first stop should always be at your local mairie where you will find information on local clubs and societies.
You will be surprised at how many expats there are, even in the tiniest villages and hamlets in rural France. Like the first people you met at university, you will probably never lose your new found expat friends (even if you want to). You will also find that through them, you will meet other French folk: it is a win-win situation.
What are the best ways to connect with French neighbours?
Your best bet when you first move to France is to get out there, explore your village or town and be bold when it comes to meeting your neighbours. You may find yourself the subject of great interest if you are in a small rural village.
A good tip is to ask questions and seek advice. The French love to show off their local knowledge and most people genuinely want to help. Try not to think about your French, good or bad. Just go for it! Most French people will admire your making the effort to speak their language. No-one minds mistakes.
That said, to move friendships beyond the most basic pleasantries, concentrate on improving your French language skills. In the long term, it is vital to be able to communicate in order to integrate well and not feel isolated. Pop over to your local bar or cafe, get chatting in either language and see what happens. A little effort at the start will pay dividends long term.
That can feel uncomfortable, but there are many ways to improve your social confidence and combat shyness, and they apply to moving to France as well as anywhere else. “Confidence is a skill built through taking action and getting uncomfortable” as Dr Aziz Gazipura puts it.
Can you ever feel at home in a French village?
Yes you can feel at home in a French village. It is your home: you’re not a guest. But it can take time.
Try to start feeling at home in particular circumstances. For example, find a yoga group where you can feel at home, charity work where you can feel at home, a favourite cafe that feels like home. Gradually those different elements will knit together into a more general feeling of wellbeing.
Making friends and feeling a part of your community also means commitment. As the old saying goes, you reap what you sow.
